Vivid Memories

I forgot this year. When May 15 rolled around,  I didn't think about you...my 17 year old self would be very dissapointed (I can see the disapproving eye roll now). But it came to my mind today and for some reason, this year I have reminisced and smiled more than I think I have ever been able to.

Thinking back to a young, sweet, innocent friendship - that started in grade school - based mostly on ice cream, bicycle rides and scraped knees. I still have an image of you standing at my door asking my mom if I could come play outside; riding my bike to your house, sitting in the grass talking about whatever was important to a couple of kids in elementary school.

Then middle school came - drinking pop on the trampoline, plotting shaving cream fights to kick off summer vacation.....and for some reason I so vividly remember you and your brother convincing me that he could "double bounce" me as high as the power lines (because that was obviously a good idea). I just remember flying through the air, feeling like I was falling from a 10 story building.....I think my over dramatic, "I'm going to die" scream was the source of yalls laughter for quite sometime. After making sure I was ok, you asked if I wanted to do it again...well heck yeah. So, there started the "double bouncing" wars.

High school was much different, we didn't hang out much after my family left the neighborhood. But we always had the best conversations when we did see each other. The last time we hung out, you tried to steal my "so cool" car....it was so not cool, but I laughed the entire afternoon with you.

You were so positive, encouraging and you had such an uplifting spirit. I will never ever forget our last conversation and the very last words you said to me in the stairwell leaving Mrs. Francis' class.... You were truly a great friend!

I wish I could know you now - see who you became and what you would be doing - but I don't question God's plan, there is a reason He took you home. You taught me many lessons in your short time here...lessons I didnt realize I had learned until years after you were already gone.

Thinking of you today, Eric....I feel happiness that I still have these vivid memories of you and our friendship, and I don't feel sadness so much anymore. I wish I could talk to you, hug you, and tell you I'm sorry....

"Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today" but then I remember "Only the good die young".

Cowboy Strong

tragedy

a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster

I haven't been able to find words that felt adequate to describe the situation I saw Saturday morning. I'm not going to try, but here is what I would like to say.

The things I saw that morning, by far, were the absolute most horifying things I have ever witnessed, first hand in my life. In every sense of the word, tragic. What I saw and heard will haunt me for a long time, but as all the events continually play over and over in my mind, I can see a faint light of hope for all of us.

People.

People ran to help. Most, without a second thought. Not only paramedics, firemen, law enforcement, etc. but fellow parade watchers. Average people who may have had nothing more to offer than a calm voice, a warm hand, strength, courage or a brief moment of relief. And in the aftermath this list of people continues to grow.

As more and more stories of that day come out, the more faith I have in my fellow man. Including our instate rivals, OU. The University of Oklahoma family has shown so much love and suport to OSU, from their choir singing our Alma Mater at their concert to the band flying our flag at their game and so on. It gives me chills thinking about it, but how could we expect anything less from Oklahomans?

We are not strangers to tragedy, we always rise up stronger than before and this time will be no different. But it takes people helping other people to get each and every one through something like this. Thank you to every single person who jumped in to help, who has donated financially to the victims and their families who has prayed for everyone involved (including the suspect and her family), who has offered a hug or emotional support. 

You are all heros.

Now I want to leave you with this. ..

"I'm praying for you" should not just be an expression, it is an act. 

If you tell someone you'll pray for them, then do it. There truly is power in prayer.

‪#‎StillwaterStrong‬ ‪#‎PrayersForPokes‬ ‪#‎CowboyStrong‬

(Facebook post, October 26, 2015)

January 2015

For as long as I can remember John 16:33 has been my favorite verse, in fact, it was written on my mirror for many years so I would see it first thing every morning. 

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace, in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world!" (You will have trouble, but don't worry, I got this). 

Today another verse was given to me, John 14:18, just a few short chapters before the verse that has guided me everyday. 

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

Through our fertility struggles john and i talked a lot about adoption, even though the Lord has blessed us with our amazing son, I believe that he is possibly still preparing us to adopt one day....is it possible that 'my verse' has taken on new meaning?

(In this world you will have trouble, but don't worry I won't leave you as orphans).

Isn't it neat how God speaks to us?

(Facebook post, January 23, 2015)

2013 Recap

I give in; here's my 2013 recap. The year started out full of hope as we finally got a referral to OU Reproductive Clinic, they couldn't see us until April so after celebrating John's birthday with a trip to Vegas, a national gun competition and an Arbonne convention we had our first appointment with the fertility doctor.

The first round of treatment expectedly failed but when preparing for the second round we were faced with a situation we had found ourselves in 2 years prior....surgery to remove another teratoma from my ovary. Against their "immediate" recommendations I refused to have the surgery until after being able to celebrate Charlie and Ashley's wedding.

The surgery went better than expected but still left me saddened by my struggle to be a mother. Lots of prayers were angrily being said during that time.

On August 9th my grandma and grandpa passed away in opposite ends of their home within a few short hours of each other. Such a sad time and a beautiful love story all at the same time.

So with such an emotional roller coaster and lots of debates over who would give me my fertility shots something exciting happened. On Friday September 13th - almost exactly one month after grandma and papa went to heaven - I took a positive pregnancy test. What a glorious moment. John may not admit it but we definitely both shed a tear.

I look forward to 2014 and the birth of our precious child. Thank you Jesus for all of the ups and downs and for all of the family and friends who reminded me of your love and grace even when I forgot.

(Facebook post, December 31, 2013)